First up we met with lighting designer Hermione Gould to explore her perspectives on the project. Hermione joined us during rehearsals and helped the team pull together a marvellous performance at NOW Fest, hosted by the Black-E in Liverpool. Now the spotlight is on her, let’s hear Hermione’s thoughts on the performance…
Hermione: “Me vs Me is very heavily mental health focused and you could really see that in the way the movements were, the way the dancers were. You could really see the theme of mental health, but also trying to reach out and get help from the people and the struggle that comes with that. The struggles of back and forth, not just reaching one high and staying there – it’s always up and down.”
How do you relate to the topic and concepts raised by the Me vs Me production?
“I really struggle to get past my own feelings of anxiety which is heightened by me being on the autism spectrum and I really let myself get into my own head, and not work to my full potential because I’m too worried about it being perceived as wrong, or not liked by other people. I keep falling myself into a category of what I know is logically right, rather than what I can design because I’m getting to a point of so much anxiety, so much overthinking, so much negativity onto myself that I hold it back.
So, seeing Me vs Me, and seeing this fight between two different types really resonated with me on my current struggle, especially because of the timing of me working on this production. Right before Christmas I was about to quit the technical side of everything and go back into acting because I felt I couldn’t get past all of these issues, and it really helped me keep back on track.”
The Me vs Me piece came together over a month of rehearsals, where the Wired team were kindly hosted in the beautiful venue of Parrs Bank. In the Me vs Me performance, we see a struggle – or something of a battle – between the two dancers, that takes on many forms. Now we take a peek behind the scenes to discuss the piece with dance artist, Charlotte Hannah to explore her thoughts on Me vs Me.
“Me vs Me – it’s in the title – it touches upon different versions of yourself and maybe how you can have a battle within yourself, of maybe, different sides of your personality. That, maybe more, down or sad side with that more excited side, or just two… there’s lots of opposites – or maybe how you come together to be as one in yourself and cope with those inner battles. How you approach, maybe, some kind of struggles – anything like that in your life.”
On a more personal note, Charlotte reflected on the performance and how she relates to Me vs Me and its story:
“Even if people don’t feel too much of an extreme sense of battle within themselves, you’ve always got questioning thoughts and I definitely have that within everyday life. Should I be doing this? Should I be doing that? Or should I say this? You know questioning my approach to things and I definitely found it was kind of clear in my own personality as well, so I connected with it quite well.”
Further contemplating Me vs Me, we have asked the team’s Arts Assistant, Tayla, to take the wheel and guide us through their thoughts, feelings and what they have taken away from the performance.
“Me vs Me looks at the internal struggle of self, and the dichotomy of our personalities that often clash and cause us mental distress. It is about mental health, well-being. It’s about that voice that says you’re not good enough, those negative thoughts that spiral and the fight between the light and dark, the positive and the negative – that is all contained within us in this great duality of life and our psyches. It’s as much about the mental fight, as the physical fight (and sometimes spiritual fight) against mental ill health and embracing every side of yourself in order to heal.”
We take a look next into how they relate and translate the concepts raised by the Me vs Me production to their lived experiences…
“It really highlighted for me that you can’t swallow down pain, trauma, anxiety and all the mental anguish that can come from this, because to ignore it is to continue the ‘silent’ fight within. Ignoring mental ill health, trying to repress your trauma is like having a box that won’t close and keeps spilling out its contents randomly. It has also shown me – in a sense – that mental ill health and the symptoms can have an actual function… sure it is there as a dark presence, but if you embrace it and work with it you can heal or gain a sense of ‘wholeness’ when mental illness feels like it is tearing you or your soul apart. Embracing this side of ourselves I scary, intense but is necessary to move forward.
I grew up in a very troubled home and have my fair share of complex trauma and lasting pain. I call these things ‘brain ghosts’ but perhaps, they remain with me not only to ‘haunt’ me but to remind me that I need to heal and take the steps to make peace with the two parts of myself: who I am now, and who I was then. Each day is different in its challenges and being with Wired, watching the performance and reflecting on it daily has helped me recontextualise some of my experiences on this Earth.”